When you can’t get something/someone out of your head and/or get yourself cleared from someone else’s psyche…
Yes, “say goodbye!”
In a kind and loving way, of course. Here’s how:
1. Down: Let the full weight of your body go down into whatever’s holding you up — namely the earth albeit often via a building foundation/floor and/or a piece of furniture. Wherever you’re touching your support, get heavier.
2. Inhale. Feel the cool air coming in your nose and — even more interestingly — the warmed air going out.
3. Go on a trip through your body — from your toes to the crown of your head — feeling every part of yourself (don’t worry about if something feels “good” or “bad” — just notice all sensations, the presence of parts, and places where you’re not sure you feel anything). Take your time. Feel the superficial skin and the deepest parts of your bones and all the organs and muscles and vessels in between.
4. Assimilate into your self as one integrated thing. Feel your outer boundary — your skin — forming this “you-shaped vessel.”
5. All and only you: Notice a place inside you that is definitely all YOU and nothing BUT you. It will feel good. (This spot may vary each time you do this practice.) We’ll call this your YOU SPOT.
6. Down. (Again!) Staying inside your own skin, cast your attention into the earth below you and “mind travel” down to a place you KNOW is “earth.” It may be shallow… it may be deep. Connect your “you spot” to that “earth spot.” Maybe it will feel like you’re extending a root, or a ray of light, or an invisible beam of something indescribable.
7. Intruders: Now notice anywhere inside you — inside your “you-shaped vessel” — where there is something that is not you. Don’t worry, you’ll know it when you feel it. It won’t feel good. Spend a moment feeling that sensation.
8. “Oh,” you say to that not-you-ness: “You don’t belong here.” You don’t need to identify what “it” is. And you don’t really even have to ask it to leave (although of course you can if that feels good to you). It usually just somehow goes away when you name it as not belonging. Maybe immediately — maybe later. It’s an ease-y thing.
9. Savor. Repeat steps 7 and 8 as much as you want.
I hope you will try this because it is surprisingly pleasant. Fun actually. Not a “chore” at all.
But is this a cop-out?
Depending on what self-help book you’ve been reading, you may think you need to “process” an obsession. You may think that if you “resist” the thing, it will “persist.” You may wonder whether or not you’re getting rid of something you “shouldn’t.” But here’s what I have found: this exercise is actually a way of going right into what’s hooking you. Just without too many words. More non-verbally. And whatever needs to stay won’t be affected — primarily because what should stay won’t feel bad, and so you won’t be asking it to leave.
The good stuff ALWAYS remains.
PS — This is a hybrid of techniques taught to me by Bridgette Boudreau — check her OUT! — and by Mercedes Lackey in her young adult fiction book Arrow’s Flight. Yes, I am confessing so many things by telling you that latter fact! Oh well. Pride is not my strong suit:) Anyway, I thank both of these women and frankly adore the former.