“I just wish I could know what he’s thinking.”
Why? How do you think you’d feel then? More precisely, how do you want to feel?
“I want to feel loved.”
So what makes you feel loved?
“When someone talks freely with me, helps me with life, tells me he loves me and why, kisses me often, spends time with me, and shows interest in my interests and ideas.”
What if, deep inside, he loves you and thinks you are his favorite person in the world BUT he doesn’t act in a way you consider loving? You still won’t feel loved by him.
What if he acts 100% loving all the time BUT, deep inside, he has some doubts? You still will feel loved by him.
“I want to know what to expect from him in the future. If I could look inside and see how he loves me, then I’d know whether he’s more likely to change or stay as he is.”
The best predictor of his future is his past. What has he done before? People can change sometimes, of course — look at his past and see if he’s ever changed things about himself.
Understand a person based on what really happens on their outsides, not by what you think is happening inside.
If you don’t like the outside reality you’re seeing in someone — whether it be in a romance, at work, or in a friendship — this conclusion is a hard one. But it’s also such immensely good news because it can give you relief from fretting. And that’s a welcome kind of well-being.
PS — Obviously this applies to “her” as well! X